Image seeds

Moving slowly, learning and thinking more about the politics of childbearing and motherhood, feminism in art, women's meager inclusion in some cultural elites, the shaping of children's sexuality, socialisation of girls and boys. I know so little. 

But progress! My mind is keeping pace. For the first time I'm seeing how all these things could become pictures. I wanted to collect together references, a big pile of images, made up or found, that could grow into painting ideas. Yet already, yesterday, I thought of coat hangers -- tools of unsafe abortion, modelling industry. Crude, but the first concrete thing so far. Something you could draw. 

Today I imagined a little girl peering into a heart-shaped purse. She's standing up to her thighs in a pool of water. What is in the purse? What is underwater? 

My hope is that through this work I will be able to lay to rest some of the jarring conflicts I feel about my own person- and womanhood. I also want to give to my daughter a world less circumscribed by random customs, as my mother did for me, and this work could be a vehicle for sharing these thoughts with her. I don't know. So little has been worked out yet, and I know my technical abilities don't match my ambitions at this time.

Reading: Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood, by Naomi Wolf.

The beginnings of a plan

Kicked out of work on behalf of my union's job action, suddenly I've had time to deal with my art questions. And after a couple of days to think, wander around, no one after me for a snack, change of clothes, whatever... it returns in a flood. The rush of ideas, the fever to produce something creative, the dread of actually delving in. Creativity.

This morning, not finding anything at the bookstore, I dropped in on the Ottawa School of Art and asked Lauren at the counter for advice on planning a series of paintings. Something like How to Write a Novel, but for artists. Everything else is out there, how to paint a face, how to paint cats, painting in encaustic, drawing from life or in the woods, but nothing on how to take a cloudy idea and turn it into a few pictures.

Off the top of her head, she came up with nothing, but luckily for me her Googling skills outpaced mine. She found a two-pager on a website called Empty Easel. And just like that, I have the beginnings of a plan. 

After scanning it intently on the sidewalk, I charged off to Galerie St Laurent+Hill. One of the too-many-to-count things I've learned from reading Alan Rusbridger is that I don't have enough information. The man interviewed scads of pianists, professional and amateur, and subjected himself to the direction of at least four teachers. He read books about his chosen project -- learning Chopin's G Minor Ballade -- and followed the progress of others engaged in attempting the same difficult feat via Twitter and Youtube. I'm too much alone by comparison, progressing slowly or not at all because of it.

I figured, maybe I should take in some series, get a sense of how others might have done it. But the gallery had no solo show on (come back for Leslie Reid on Thursday, I'm told), and both La Petite Mort and Terence Robert were closed.

At St Laurent+Hill I disappointed myself by not asking the man at his desk for any advice on concretising a broad theme that doesn't immediately call up images and turning it into them. He had a battered notebook in front of him, reams of paper, a weary but inviting face. Surely he's the curator, someone often at the side of many artists exploring ideas visually. I also know people so often love to talk - what am I so afraid of? Bothering people? Being a pest? No, it's that I hate to call attention to myself. What if I raise their interest, and then disappoint? Better to make no impression at all.

At home, emboldened, I tell my husband I will take the list of artists I like in Ottawa and fire off e-mails to every one of them. Won't they accept a free lunch from an amateur wanting a bit of advice? Hopefully I will have the courage to do it. 

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Four months I've let go by and I still haven't sorted out what to do next! I developed a lot of ambition this summer -- worked out in a basic way some characters and plotlines for a novel, thought vaguely about a poetry collection, dreamed up two related themes for a suite of paintings. Much of it in my head, but not much over all. I went easy on myself because one kid was starting school, another daycare, and I was going back to work. So no blogging, no art production, no writing. Well, enough time's trickled by, I guess.

I last planned out a major artistic project over two decades ago in high school, and I need advice. Loads of books exist on techniques for project management, as well as subjects like becoming more creative or persisting in spite of self-doubt or time restrictions. Are there any resources on the practical steps to taking a theme (say you wanted to do works on climate change, which I don't, but my themes are as broad) and turning it into a series of works? Is there a word for that part of the process, and does anyone know where you can learn more about that?

Guess I need to talk to people.

I'm reading a good book lent me by a colleague: Play It Again, by the impressive Editor-in-Chief of the Guardian, Alan Rusbridger. He spent a year learning a difficult Ballade by Chopin, a song I used to half-play and that was outside both of our abilities, and by playing in small bursts, often merely twenty minutes, I suppose he managed it. I always assumed that if you had so little time, you might as well not bother. He also admits to a weak memory (never memorised a song, couldn't remember dates and events), but committed to memorising this complex, 9-minute-long song.

So I'm inspired/chastised on two counts! My lack of time and terrible memory are no excuse for anything. :) The fact that I'm no Alan Rusbridger, maybe I'll just not worry about that.

Art Battle steal

Self-portrait by Mark Stephenson

I bought art! I thought that collecting original art was years away for me for lack of cash. But art is cheaper at auctions so I got lucky. This gorgeous self-portrait is by Mark Stephenson.

Mark painted it Sunday night at Art Battle. It was Ottawa's first Battle and I expect there'll be more since a good 100 people showed up and everybody left looking happy. The set-up is 12 artists live painting for a chance at some cash and a ticket to Art Battle nationals in Toronto. Painters paint in two qualifying rounds, easels in the middle, audience surrounding. 20 minutes per painting.

It'd be easy to get frantic under the pressure. Loud music, people circling you in a churning wheel. It was generally a younger crowd, students maybe.

Mark and local artist and Ottawa School of Art teacher Hamid Ayoub won their qualifying round and competed against the other two qualifiers (Margo Bennetto and Peter Akiki) in the final. Mark won the whole thing by only one vote. Mark seemed really focused, working away at his palette and canvas steadily and considered. Impressive control.

I talked to Mark after and he told me that he'd planned to paint an audience member. But Art Battle admin vetoed that, saying no references allowed. Instead, he painted an acquaintance from memory in Round 1 and himself in Round 2. I was so glad. I figured everyone would paint something they'd practiced in advance. But who wants to watch people put down a formula?

When the winner was announced, Mark broke out in a grin and family members pulled him in for a hug. Looked like his wife, kids and parents. I was so chuffed that the winner of an edgy art contest was a family man. That's just my momness showing through :)

I'm proud to own this painting. My first original art purchase in, oh, 13 years? I think it's really fine.

Innovate, produce, consolidate

After the Bath by Paul Beel (1890)

Ten days ago I completed my second course with the Ottawa School of Art. First, the exhilarating Anatomy of the Human Figure with Aida Alves, and second, a first-time journey into Acrylic Landscape Painting with Blair Paul. My technique improved a lot. Composition, colour, the whole thing. If you've been visiting this space you've been seeing it happen. But I haven't been making pictures about what I want to make pictures about.

I haven't made the pictures I want to make in years. During my first maternity leave, just at the tail end, I did some work I wanted to do while my daughter went to daycare part-time. I tackled a classical painting of Ada's face, a couple of other things. Three months later I got back to work and started drawing people on the bus. I drew anyone with whatever materials I had from fall 2010 to spring 2012.

On my second mat leave, I drew a number of pictures of my son while he slept. I loved doing these pictures, but I really wished I had more time and different poses.

Next, I chose the Anatomy course because I was weak on anatomy. (Great at heads, feet not so much.) And I chose the landscape course because the courses I really want to take weren't offered when I could take them. Contemporary painting, Expressive figure painting, etc.

I guess I've been making art out of whatever's in front of me for three years. It's exciting that I can do that now. Make things workable. I'm a much better technician than I was.

So, the next step.

Ada will be starting school in a new place across town this fall. We're buying another car so I can drive her there every day on my way to and from work.

In other words, the bus part of Bus Blog is over.

I'm pretty freaked about this. If I don't have Pictures from the Bus, what do I have?

The ideas I do have are pretty unformed. Ever since I first saw Canadian artist Paul Beel's After the Bath I have wanted to do nudes of children. I've made a few basic sketches. I'm nervous about taking photos, which would help for reference. It seems like a violation of my kids' privacy somehow. I'm not sure what poses I would do. How could I avoid them seeming sexualised? Serious art featuring kids doesn't have a good smell to it these days. How would I present these paintings? Would they be appropriate online? What audience would they have, if any?  

I guess I'm thinking too much again, aren't I.

I'm not ready to do the children paintings that I want to do. And I don't want to do more of what I have been doing. If I'm not actively producing or growing as an artist or technician, then what am I doing? I'm consolidating.

Time to redo Best of Bus Blog and update my art site.

Adrift

April 2013

I brought this painting home Sunday before last and, as though she'd been drawn to it, my daughter planted her finger right on a scratch I'd thought I'd aptly disguised. Harrumph.

The painting asks what the relationship might be between the boats. I hope the tension comes across.

I received some compliments from classmates on this one. A stranger in the parking garage asked where I'd bought it. One person thought the different styles of brushstrokes didn't work together. Another thought they did. My husband disliked the bottom boat. Someone else really liked the sky. And so on.

I guess there's no consensus when it comes to art. No truth everyone has figured out except me. Tastes are pretty whimsical. What someone appreciates in my work maybe says more about them than it says about my work. I don't particularly like this painting. I didn't like the one before it, and someone bought that one.

My teacher told me I do good work. Compliments feel amazing, especially from someone like Blair Paul, but no one can tell me what to do next because they don't know either. The only thing is to keep going.

I couldn't find any open studio space for the spring and there weren't any courses that appealed to me. So I'm on my own again. No bus, no class and only vague ideas as to what to do. This is the kind of uncomfortable-at-the-time moment you look back on and think -- awesome.  What's next?

Eastern Townships again & write-up

Eastern Townships III

I got included in a write-up in Apt613! I'm quite happy about this as I had written them a couple of years ago hoping for some exposure. They'd responded that they liked the blog and they'd happily review a gallery show should I ever do one. That's not an avenue I felt suited Bus Blog, sadly, so I was chuffed when I showed up in Alejandro Bustos' Tour de Blogosphere. He also has a very interesting side project, the Ottawa Blogging Library. Very ambitious!

This little piece marks the last of the Eastern Townships paintings I completed over the winter. I did this one at home and brought it in to show my teacher. That thing up there is a pipe. I'm telling you this because neither he nor my husband could tell what it's supposed to be. The man-made element mars the natural beauty of the scene, and my teacher suggested I paint it out. I did a good job with the colours and I quite like this painting.

I did a large canvas over two days of art classes last weekend. Five hours of painting in such a short period really lets me get into it. I'll show you the results after I get a chance to set up the tripod and shoot the painting.