June 20, 2012

Tuning myself out

June 12, 2012

Having a mild case of the Baby Blues lately, because life whips by so fast and the things that I wish I understood and the personal and artistic goals I would like to meet, aren't. I always hope to become more secure, both in my opinions and in my identity. But it's like my drawings. I keep drawing the same things over and over, without ever developing - or adopting - my own "brand." I feel that I could get to the next level, but there's something I've never been able to figure out. Am I battering away at the wrong question? Is it a question without an answer? Is asking the question enough? Do we ever know who we are, and can we do something bigger than ourselves if we don't?

With this blog I I'm trying to develop my own drawing style by doing, not by thinking. I want to look back on these pages someday and see the development of a signature. Right now it just looks like a series of faces with someone's else's autograph on them every week. James, by comic book inker. Bus passenger by first year art student. Ada, by illustrator for women's magazine.

I shouldn't let myself think about this. From experience I know it never goes anywhere good, just leads to giving up. And my artwork is becoming more 'mine' over time. It hasn't even been a year and a half of regular drawing practice. Sleep deprivation's wearing me down. I never got anywhere from trying to think my way through artistic challenges, and I'm not about to start now. Commencing neurosis shutdown three - two - one.

Aaaaaand we're back! Cue upbeats:

Here's James. Surprisingly, he's sleeping. Have I mentioned how much I love my kids?

2 comments:

  1. Life is not easy, but then we need lessons to learn.
    Managing a new baby is all you can do some days.
    I wasn't a great stay-at-home mom, didn't have maternity leave.
    I hope you work through things.
    We love you!
    Greetings from Cottage Country!

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  2. "We need lessons to learn." Yes. Thanks for caring and for your astute comments, Jenn!

    ReplyDelete